Commerce assignment due on Tuesday. Math common test on Thursday. History test on Monday. Science test/assignment next Tuesday. Plus various other homework.
Eh, really could use a break. I can't keep up with all my work AND deal with family drama, all at once.
I'm gonna try to finish my Commerce assignment by today. Since the MS server check is gonna finish around 1 am my time (no life D:), I'll most likely stay up till then, finishing my assignment. I hope my name got changed. :c Tomorrow's gonna be really busy. PDM excursion (speaking of PDM; too much assignments anyone?), which means EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF WALKING, and no work. Then, when I get back home, I'll need to pack my bags and research on New Zealand, ECOSOC for tomorrow's UN conference. THEN THEN THEN. Friday~Sunday at camp, hopefully doing NOT TOO BAD. Coming back to school on Monday, exhausted and tired, definitely not ready to do the History test that's gonna haunt me until I do it. THENNNNNNNNNNNNN. By Monday afternoon, I should (theoretically) have finished my Commerce assignment and my History test, which "only" leaves the Math common test and the science assessments to do. Eh, I'll try to finish Question 1 of the science assignment by Monday night, I guess. From Tuesday to Thursday will be crazy cramming and studying for the Math common test, although I don't think I'll do TOO badly in it, as long as I don't make simple mistakes or forget to check stuff like symbols, signs and other crap. Hopefully, by Thursday afternoon, I should only have science to work on, and have finished at least two questions on the assignment. I'll try my best to finish the science assignment by Saturday; and from then to Tuesday, CRAAAAAAAAAAZY STUDYING FOR THE UBER HARD SCIENCE TEST ZOMFG. DDDD:
Drivel. :c Just shows my less-than-good mental status.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
UN conference in two days.
UNYA NSW Conference in two days. Today's Wednesday, it's on Friday.
Ohmygod. D: I haven't started researching at all, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do for the disco on Saturday night. Alarmed and depressed. :c The self-procrastination really is catching up on me, all of a sudden. One tiny consolidation is that Jerry's going too; but he's so good at debating, while I...am merely mediocre, sometimes even worse than that. I just hope I don't embarrass myself... and that everything goes well. :c Sometimes, you can't help but to wish for a fairy godmother (or father).
Ohmygod. D: I haven't started researching at all, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do for the disco on Saturday night. Alarmed and depressed. :c The self-procrastination really is catching up on me, all of a sudden. One tiny consolidation is that Jerry's going too; but he's so good at debating, while I...am merely mediocre, sometimes even worse than that. I just hope I don't embarrass myself... and that everything goes well. :c Sometimes, you can't help but to wish for a fairy godmother (or father).
Cancer.
My dad has cancer. Gastric malignancy, middle stage, to be exact.
... Sometimes wished that you'd disappear out of my life; but now that I may get my wish, I can't help but to think, what if I'd acted differently.
I'm sorry, dad.
I love you; why didn't I ever show it before.
... Sometimes wished that you'd disappear out of my life; but now that I may get my wish, I can't help but to think, what if I'd acted differently.
I'm sorry, dad.
I love you; why didn't I ever show it before.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Oh god.
Oh, god. N****. Well, he has about three different accounts, so I can't really name him. The fact that I don't know his real name (he told me to call him N****) doesn't really help either. Anyway. I was talking to him yesterday on Skype. I'd asked him how to merch, because I was severely lacking money on MS. He added me onto Skype, and we talked.
For three and a half hours straight.
I abandoned the growing pile of assignments to talk to him. It started off about MS; but quickly switched to another topic. Philosophy; psychology; depression; so much. I don't know anything about him except the fact that he is 17, lives in the States, is Asian and is depressed. Oh, I know this too: I'm falling for him.
He's depressed and has almost no self-esteem at all; he goes to see a psych to talk about things. And he's absolutely, so incredibly brilliant that it blows my mind.
We talked for nearly four hours on different topics; and it felt like it had only been mere minutes. I was actually so absorbed in what he had to say. I generally disregard and scoff at films and books that ramble about falling for someone; and it's certainly never happened to me before. Not even with Tom or Spencer, I think. But...today, at church, I found myself looking forward intensely to talking again with N****: actual pleasure and anticipation. He feels like he belongs in another world - a purer world.
He feels kindred; he feels wise. And, oh, for the sweet mother of Jesus-
I think I'm falling for him.
For three and a half hours straight.
I abandoned the growing pile of assignments to talk to him. It started off about MS; but quickly switched to another topic. Philosophy; psychology; depression; so much. I don't know anything about him except the fact that he is 17, lives in the States, is Asian and is depressed. Oh, I know this too: I'm falling for him.
He's depressed and has almost no self-esteem at all; he goes to see a psych to talk about things. And he's absolutely, so incredibly brilliant that it blows my mind.
We talked for nearly four hours on different topics; and it felt like it had only been mere minutes. I was actually so absorbed in what he had to say. I generally disregard and scoff at films and books that ramble about falling for someone; and it's certainly never happened to me before. Not even with Tom or Spencer, I think. But...today, at church, I found myself looking forward intensely to talking again with N****: actual pleasure and anticipation. He feels like he belongs in another world - a purer world.
He feels kindred; he feels wise. And, oh, for the sweet mother of Jesus-
I think I'm falling for him.
Earlier today (well, yesterday).
It's 1:34am, 7th March '10. Sunday, of course.
But that's not what's so important. Yesterday (already?), after debating, we went to Carlingford to eat dinner. I was feeling grumpy for no reason, and when you shared my soup, it somehow felt wrong; and hence I snapped at you. But when the last piece of meat was left, I put it on your spoon because I wanted you to eat it; but you declined, and in my hurry, I had said that I didn't want it. You put your spoon down and said, "I don't want something that you don't want". Oh, god. I wish I'd explained to you. I know that you've forgiven me already; but I'm sorry.
I have to say it some day, I know - before it's too late.
But that's not what's so important. Yesterday (already?), after debating, we went to Carlingford to eat dinner. I was feeling grumpy for no reason, and when you shared my soup, it somehow felt wrong; and hence I snapped at you. But when the last piece of meat was left, I put it on your spoon because I wanted you to eat it; but you declined, and in my hurry, I had said that I didn't want it. You put your spoon down and said, "I don't want something that you don't want". Oh, god. I wish I'd explained to you. I know that you've forgiven me already; but I'm sorry.
I have to say it some day, I know - before it's too late.
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